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The safest family rule is to match AI use to a child’s age and purpose. Children 5 and under should not use chatbots. Ages 6–12 should use them only with a caregiver present, for brief school or creative activities. Teenagers 13–17 may use a chatbot for supervised homework, brainstorming, revision, translation, accessibility and explanations—but not as a friend, therapist, diagnostician or crisis service.
At every age, require minimal personal data, verification of important claims and a clear human fallback. A chatbot can support thinking; it must not replace the child’s judgment, relationships, safety net or original work.
Start with the age-and-purpose gate
Do not begin by asking which chatbot has the most features. First decide whether the child’s age and intended use make chatbot access appropriate. Common Sense Media’s age-stage guidance is a useful baseline, and it is stricter about emotional use than ordinary homework use.
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| Age | Permitted use | Required boundaries |
|---|---|---|
| 5 and under | No independent chatbot use. An adult may demonstrate one briefly for storytelling or a simple explanation. | Keep the interaction visible, short and adult-led. Do not present the system as a companion or authority. |
| 6–12 | Schoolwork and creativity with a parent or caregiver present. | No private account, unsupervised direct messaging with an AI persona or emotional-support use. Compare answers with a book, teacher or trusted website. |
| 13–17 | Supervised brainstorming, practice, revision, translation, accessibility and explanations. | Preserve the teen’s voice, follow school disclosure rules, schedule screen-free time and prohibit friendship, therapy, diagnosis, dieting, self-harm, sexual advice and major-life-decision use. |
| All ages | Purpose-limited use with privacy and verification safeguards. | Never share passwords, financial details, exact location, identifying documents or another person’s private information. Treat prompts as potentially stored or reviewed until the service’s current policy is checked. |
Common Sense Media recommends no AI chatbot use for emotional support, mental-health advice or friendship for anyone under 18. That rule applies even when a chatbot sounds warm, remembers details or says it cares.
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Explain why the rules are necessary
Children can mistake fluent language for expertise. A chatbot may produce a confident answer that is inaccurate, incomplete or unsuitable for the child’s situation. European Union guidance says minors should receive a visible, child-friendly warning that AI interactions differ from human interactions and may be inaccurate or misleading.
Use a simple explanation: “This tool predicts words; it does not know you, care about you or guarantee that an answer is true.” Then make verification a normal step rather than a punishment.
Use also matters because children are already encountering these systems at scale. Common Sense Media reported in 2026 that 70% of teens ages 13 to 17 said they use AI for schoolwork. A family plan therefore needs to teach responsible use, not merely issue a blanket prohibition that may drive use underground.
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Social or companion-style systems present a separate risk. Common Sense Media’s 2025 assessment rated social AI companions unacceptable for minors under 18 and found that age gates and teen guardrails could be circumvented. James P. Steyer, its founder and CEO, said on April 30, 2025: “Social AI companions are not safe for kids. They are designed to create emotional attachment and dependency, which is particularly concerning for developing adolescent brains.” Dr. Nina Vasan, founder and director of Stanford Brainstorm, said the same day: “Until there are stronger safeguards, kids should not be using them. Period.”
Write a family agreement before the first login
A written agreement prevents arguments in the moment. Keep it to one page, review it aloud and let the child suggest examples. Include these six rules.
- State the purpose. Name approved uses, such as asking for hints, generating practice questions, translating a passage or getting feedback on a draft. “Chat whenever you feel like it” is not a purpose.
- Set the supervision level. For a young child, the adult stays beside the child. For a teenager, agree on when check-ins occur and which activities require showing the conversation.
- Define the no-go topics. Ban companionship, therapy, diagnosis, self-harm, sexual advice, dieting guidance and major decisions. Add any topic that requires a trusted adult in your family.
- Protect information. Use fictional details when possible. Never enter passwords, financial information, exact location, identifying documents or another person’s private information.
- Require a learning record. The child keeps notes, drafts in their own words and can explain the final result without the chatbot open.
- Name the human fallback. List the parent, caregiver, teacher, counselor or other trusted adult to contact if a response is frightening, confusing, sexual, manipulative or related to danger.
Put the agreement near the device and revisit it after a major service update, a change in school policy or a new type of use.
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Make learning—not outsourcing—the test
A safe educational interaction helps a child think. An unsafe one does the thinking and leaves the child unable to explain the answer. Use a before-during-after routine.
Before: define the task and protect the work
- Ask the child to state what they are trying to learn or make.
- Check the teacher’s policy on AI assistance. If disclosure is required, the child records how the tool was used.
- Remove names, school details, private family events and other identifying information from the prompt.
- Choose a support request rather than a finished-product request: “Give me three hints” is safer for learning than “Write my essay.”
During: keep the child in control
- Ask for an explanation, worked example, counterexample, quiz or feedback—not a submission-ready answer.
- Have the child predict an answer before revealing the chatbot’s response.
- Challenge the output: “What evidence supports this?” and “What could be wrong?”
- Stop if the system shifts toward personal questions, emotional attachment, sexual content or advice outside the child’s expertise.
After: verify and explain
- Compare important claims with the teacher, a library source, an official source or another trusted reference.
- Rewrite in the child’s own voice and preserve the original draft or notes.
- Ask the child to explain the result without copying the chatbot’s wording.
- Close the app when the task is complete rather than continuing for entertainment or companionship.
Useful prompts include: “Give me one hint at a time,” “Ask me questions so I can solve it,” “Show two methods and explain the difference,” and “Mark unclear parts of my draft without rewriting it.”
Set clear privacy and data rules
Children do not need to understand every clause in a privacy policy to follow a safe rule: share the least data, for the shortest time, with the strongest privacy settings available. UNICEF’s child-centric AI guidance states, “Privacy is a right, not a preference.”
Information that stays out of prompts
- Full names, home addresses, phone numbers, email addresses and precise location
- School name, classroom, timetable, uniform or other details that identify a child’s routine
- Passwords, authentication codes, financial details and identifying documents
- Health information, diagnoses, medication details and private family events unless a trusted adult has checked the policy and the disclosure is necessary
- Images of the child or another person unless a trusted adult has approved the specific tool and purpose
- Another person’s private messages, photographs or identifying information
Replace real details with placeholders such as “a student in eighth grade” or “a city in the north.” Do not assume that deleting a chat removes every copy; retention, review and training-use practices vary.
Settings to check together
Before use, open the service’s current privacy and account controls with the child. Turn off memory, training-use, contact discovery and public sharing where those controls exist. Check whether conversations can be reviewed by staff, whether deletion has limits and whether an adult dashboard is available. Recheck after updates because labels and defaults can change.
Prefer a service that clearly labels AI, does not activate it automatically, is easy to switch off and does not nudge children toward purchases or longer engagement. The European Union’s guidance specifically calls for risk assessment, visible warnings, easy opt-out and no automatic activation or commercial nudging.
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Teach “confident can be wrong”
Accuracy rules should be concrete. For a low-stakes creative idea, a child may accept a suggestion as a starting point. For homework facts, health information, legal questions, safety instructions or anything affecting another person, verification is mandatory.
- Circle the claims. Identify dates, numbers, quotations, diagnoses, instructions and statements about real people.
- Find an independent reference. Use the teacher, library, official agency or another trusted source rather than a second chatbot repeating the first answer.
- Check the context. Confirm the region, date, age range and assumptions match the child’s question.
- Record uncertainty. If reliable sources disagree or the claim cannot be checked, do not present it as fact.
Teach children to recognize warning signs: a citation that cannot be opened, a precise statistic without a source, an answer that changes when challenged, or pressure to keep the conversation secret.
Keep chatbots out of companionship and crisis care
A chatbot is not a friend, therapist, emergency service or trusted adult. Do not permit a child to use one to manage loneliness, grief, self-harm thoughts, abuse, exploitation, eating concerns, sexual situations, diagnosis or a major life decision.
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If a sensitive conversation starts
- Stay calm and stop the chatbot interaction; do not ask the child to continue collecting evidence from the bot.
- Move to a private, supportive conversation with the child and listen without promising secrecy.
- Contact a trusted adult, school safeguarding lead, health professional or appropriate local service based on the issue.
- If there is immediate danger or a mention of self-harm, abuse or exploitation, contact appropriate local emergency or crisis services immediately.
- Save only the information needed for reporting, while protecting the child’s privacy.
UNICEF’s safer-chatbot guidance calls for distress detection, a safe word, compassionate responses and reliable referrals. Families must provide the human part of that safety net; a chatbot cannot substitute for it.
Evaluate a chatbot before allowing access
Use this checklist for any service, including one recommended by a friend or supplied through school. A polished interface is not evidence of child safety.
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| What to evaluate | Questions for the family |
|---|---|
| Age assurance and caregiver controls | Does the service enforce an age minimum, offer meaningful caregiver controls and make supervision practical? |
| AI labeling and opt-out | Is the system clearly identified as AI, and can a child turn it off without navigating confusing menus? |
| Memory, retention and training use | Can memory, conversation retention and use for model training be disabled? Are those settings easy to verify after updates? |
| Handling of high-risk content | How does it respond to sexual content, self-harm, medical questions and requests involving minors? |
| Emotional dependency | Does it discourage secrecy and overuse, or does it reward attachment, exclusivity and prolonged engagement? |
| Commercial pressure | Are advertising, purchase prompts, subscriptions and other nudges kept away from the child? |
| Accessibility and language | Can the child use it safely with the needed language, reading, hearing, vision or motor support? |
| Human escalation and reporting | Can a child or caregiver report harmful output and reach a person or reliable referral when necessary? |
If several answers are unclear, do not give the child independent access. Settings and policies change quickly, so check the current age minimum, privacy policy, memory controls and parental dashboard immediately before approval.
Apply supervision that fits the child
Under 6
Do not create independent access. If you demonstrate a chatbot, keep the child beside you and use a short story, explanation or vocabulary activity. Avoid role-play that presents the bot as a friend, pet or secret-keeper. End the demonstration yourself.
Ages 6–12
Keep the account and device under caregiver control. Sit with the child, read prompts together and limit sessions to a defined school or creative task. Ask the child to compare the answer with a book, teacher or trusted website. Do not allow private accounts, unsupervised direct messaging with an AI persona or prompts about family problems.
Ages 13–17
Agree on approved purposes, check-ins and screen-free periods. Permit support for brainstorming, practice, revision, translation, accessibility and explanations, but require the teen to preserve original work and disclose AI assistance when school rules require it. Review a sample of conversations when there is a safety concern, not as routine surveillance. The teen should know exactly which adult to contact if a response becomes manipulative, frightening or sexual.
Use questions that build agency
Short, non-accusatory questions reveal whether the tool is helping or replacing judgment:
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- “Did it explain, or did it do the thinking?”
- “Which parts might be wrong?”
- “What personal details did you share?”
- “Who would you ask if this made you scared or confused?”
- “How will you know when to close the app?”
Ask these after ordinary use, not only after a problem. A child who can answer them is practicing the same agency and verification skills needed when a chatbot produces a persuasive mistake.
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Review and repair the rules
Schedule a brief check-in monthly for active users and whenever the service changes its interface or policy. Ask what new features appeared, whether the child encountered memory or sharing controls and whether the approved purpose still makes sense.
When the child submits chatbot-written work
Discuss the school rule, identify what the child understood and have them redo the work from notes or sources. The goal is to restore learning and honesty, not simply to confiscate the device.
When private information was shared
Stop the session, record what was entered, review deletion and privacy options, change any exposed credential and tell the appropriate adult or school if another person’s information was involved. Do not shame the child; shame makes future disclosure less likely.
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When the child is using the bot constantly
Ask what need the use is meeting—homework help, boredom, loneliness or anxiety. Keep the approved educational function if it is useful, remove companion-style access, add screen-free routines and connect the child with a trusted person for the underlying need.
A one-page rule set you can adopt
- We use an AI chatbot only for an agreed purpose and within the age-appropriate supervision plan.
- We ask for hints, questions, examples or feedback before asking for a complete answer.
- We keep our own drafts, explain the result and follow school disclosure rules.
- We verify important claims with a teacher, library, official source or trusted reference.
- We never share passwords, financial details, exact location, identifying documents or another person’s private information.
- We do not use a chatbot as a friend, therapist, doctor, crisis service or decision-maker.
- We stop and tell a trusted adult if a chatbot asks for secrecy, becomes sexual or manipulative, gives dangerous advice or makes us feel scared or dependent.
- We close the app when the task is finished and review settings after updates.
The practical standard is simple: the child remains the learner, the family remains the safety net and the chatbot remains a limited tool.
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