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After a game, resist the urge to review your child’s mistakes on the drive home. Start with encouragement, then let your child decide whether to talk. Project Play’s parent checklist advises against analyzing a teen’s performance in the car and instead suggests asking whether you supported them in the way they needed.

What to say after the game

Keep your first response calm and low-pressure. You might say, “I loved watching you play,” or “I’m glad I got to be there.” Then pause. These are simple ways to show that your interest in your child is not conditional on the score, a goal, or a mistake.

If your child wants to talk, listen before offering advice. You can ask whether they want comfort, help thinking through the game, or simply company. If they would rather be quiet, let the conversation wait.

Why the ride home is a poor time for a performance review

Right after a game, a child may already be processing disappointment, excitement, or fatigue. Unsolicited analysis can make the trip feel like an evaluation rather than a chance to reconnect. Project Play’s checklist for parents of teens ages 13–17 specifically recommends not analyzing the teen’s play on the ride home. It redirects parents toward asking how their own support felt to the athlete: Project Play’s parent checklist.

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The American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP) similarly advises unconditional support, patience, and positive comments. It recommends looking for things your child is doing right and setting realistic goals based on what the child wants, rather than what the parent wants: AAP guidance on parenting an athlete.

Choose a child-led conversation, not a parent-led critique

Approach Timing Who leads Tone and effect
Immediate performance analysis During the drive, right after the game Parent Evaluation; can turn the ride into a review the child did not ask for
Supportive, child-led conversation When the child is ready Athlete Encouragement and listening; leaves room for the child to choose whether to discuss performance

This does not mean parents must never discuss performance. If your child later brings up a mistake, asks for feedback, or wants help planning practice, you can talk it through. Keep the purpose clear: help the child reflect on what they want to improve, rather than attach their worth to the result.

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Put pressure and setbacks in perspective

Project Play’s national survey findings report that 21% of former players, compared with 9% of current players, said they had been pressured to play. It also reports that 18% of former players, compared with 13% of current players, said they had been compared with other players. These are associations reported in the survey, not evidence that one conversation after a game causes a child to quit; the findings surfaced without an exact survey year or full methods in the available report summary. Project Play’s survey findings.

The AAP has reported that about 70% of children and teens drop out of organized sports by age 13. This is an approximate figure cited in its 2023 coverage, not a current-year cohort estimate. The AAP’s broader advice is to define success around participation and effort, not only performance, so disappointment does not become a judgment about the child’s value or ability. AAP coverage of youth sports burnout and performance pressure.

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