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Older adults’ reflections point to regrets about relationships, missed opportunities, education, difficult decisions, health and financial preparation. But no study establishes a definitive list of exactly 19 regrets from the twenties and thirties: the items below are a practical synthesis, not a ranking or a prediction of what every person will regret.
The evidence has important limits. A 2005 study asked 3,917 people aged 40–85 in Germany and the Netherlands about significant regrets across their lives, while a 2009 study examined people aged 79–98. Neither isolates decisions made in a person’s twenties and thirties. Some people do not recall regrets at all: 14% of participants in the first study reported none spontaneously, and that share rose with age.
Relationships and time with people you love
1. Letting important relationships drift
Work, moving, family responsibilities and everyday busyness can gradually crowd out friendships or family ties. Some people later wish they had made more effort to stay in touch. That is a possibility to reflect on—not a reason to assume every relationship can or should be preserved.
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People may look back and wish they had expressed affection, gratitude, apology or concern while there was an opportunity. A simple, honest conversation can be more useful than waiting for the perfect moment.
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3. Taking loved ones’ time for granted
It can be easy to assume there will always be another visit, call or shared occasion. Later-life reflections often include the death of a loved one, but bereavement is an external loss, not a personal failure. Where people are still present, making time together can be a choice within reach.
4. Putting other people’s approval ahead of honest connection
Some people may wish they had been more open about who they were or what they wanted. The aim is not to disregard others’ feelings; it is to notice when fear of disapproval is preventing a sincere conversation or a relationship that matters.
Opportunities, education and choices left unexplored
5. Not pursuing an opportunity that mattered
Regrets about things not done appear in a study of adults aged 79–98. That finding does not mean every abandoned plan was a mistake. Circumstances, priorities and risks differ; the useful question is whether an opportunity still matters enough to explore now.
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Missed educational opportunities were among the major themes in the German-Dutch retrospective study. For some, that might mean wishing they had studied further; for others, it may be a particular skill, qualification or subject they never pursued. The regret can point toward a present-day learning goal without proving that a different past would have been better.
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7. Not trying something because failure seemed too costly
A person may later wonder what would have happened if they had applied, auditioned, started a project or taken a manageable risk. Looking back cannot establish that the outcome would have been good. It can, however, help distinguish a considered tradeoff from a decision made mainly to avoid embarrassment.
8. Staying too long with a plan that no longer fit
A job, course of study or life plan can stop matching a person’s needs. Some people may wish they had reconsidered sooner. But staying can also reflect real obligations, limited options or a sensible choice at the time, so hindsight alone is not proof of error.
9. Not making room for experiences that mattered personally
Some people may wish they had traveled, made art, spent time outdoors or pursued another interest. These are illustrative possibilities, not findings established by the cited studies. The point is not to collect experiences for a future checklist, but to notice what you value and whether your life has room for it.
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Difficult decisions, mistakes and hard times
10. Making a consequential choice without enough reflection
In the 2005 study, mistakes, behavior and bad decisions were a prominent regret theme. A useful lesson is to slow down when a choice carries lasting consequences: identify what matters, gather information and consider who will be affected. That does not mean every difficult outcome could have been prevented.
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11. Avoiding a difficult conversation until the problem grew
People may look back and wish they had addressed a disagreement, boundary or concern earlier. A timely conversation can sometimes prevent confusion from becoming entrenched, though it cannot guarantee agreement or repair.
12. Treating a hard period as a personal failure
Hard times themselves were a major category in the retrospective study. Job loss, family strain and other hardships are not automatically evidence that someone chose badly. Where a regret involves circumstances beyond a person’s control, self-blame may obscure what support or change is possible now.
13. Not asking for help when it was needed
Some people may wish they had reached out to a friend, family member, professional or community service sooner. Asking is not always easy, and support may not always be available, but identifying a trusted person or service can make the next step more concrete.
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Health and personal well-being
14. Putting off attention to health concerns
Health problems featured in the study of adults aged 79–98, including both a person’s own health and that of others. The study does not show that a particular choice caused illness. If a concern is affecting you now, discussing it with a qualified health professional is more useful than trying to settle the past through blame.
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15. Neglecting habits that support well-being
Some people may wish they had made more space for sleep, movement, preventive care or other habits that suited their circumstances. This is a practical reflection, not a guarantee that different habits would have prevented a health problem. Small, sustainable steps are more actionable than judging an earlier version of yourself by what you know now.
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16. Waiting to start saving for retirement
In a TIAA Institute report announced in July 2026, 76% of surveyed current retirees regretted not starting to save earlier. This figure describes that survey’s respondents, not all older adults or a universal outcome. If you are deciding what to do now, consider your own income, debts, benefits and time horizon; a qualified financial professional can help with personal advice.
17. Wishing you had saved more
The same TIAA Institute report says 71% of surveyed current retirees wished they had saved more. The finding is a reminder that savings decisions can matter, but it does not specify one amount that is right for everyone. What is feasible depends on income, family responsibilities, health and other circumstances.
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18. Entering retirement without clear goals
In the report, 47% of surveyed current retirees regretted not having clear retirement goals. Goals might involve when to stop working, how to spend time or what financial needs to plan for. They can change; writing down a starting point is more useful than expecting to predict every future need.
19. Underestimating later-life costs and disruptions
The TIAA Institute report found that 49% of surveyed current retirees regretted underestimating health and long-term-care costs, and 49% regretted not planning for later-life events such as health issues, career shifts, job loss and caregiving. These are separate reported regrets within the same survey, not percentages that can be added together. Planning cannot eliminate uncertainty, but it can prompt a review of savings, insurance, support networks and contingency options.
How to use these regrets without turning them into a checklist
Retrospective research describes patterns in particular groups; it does not tell an individual what choices to make. A 2019 survey of 629 adults aged 18–92 found positive and negative feelings related to regret to be distinct dimensions. Regret can therefore be emotionally mixed, and the evidence does not support the idea that age simply erases it.
- Separate choice from circumstance. A missed opportunity or decision may invite reflection; illness, bereavement and hardship should not automatically be treated as personal failures.
- Ask what remains changeable. If a regret identifies something you still value, look for a feasible action in the present rather than trying to rewrite the past.
- Account for your actual constraints. Money, health, family duties, geography and opportunity shape what is possible. Tradeoffs are not proof that you have lived wrongly.
- Make plans revisable. A conversation, learning goal, health appointment or financial review can be a starting point; it need not become a promise to follow one fixed path.
For another source of older adults’ perspectives, see 30 Lessons for Living by Karl Pillemer. The author and publisher describe it as drawing on interviews with more than 1,000 older Americans. It offers elder perspectives, not evidence for a definitive list of 19 regrets.
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