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Ask your grandparents what kind of contact or help they actually want. Regular conversation, shared activities, exchanging skills, or practical help they welcome can support connection without assuming they need childcare or hands-on care. These relationships may also give younger family members connection and purpose, but research does not show that helping a grandparent necessarily improves health for everyone.
Start with what your grandparent wants
Ageing well does not mean every older person wants the same kind of support. Ask an open question such as, “Would you like to do something together, or is there a practical task I could help with?” Let your grandparent set the pace, and revisit the conversation if their circumstances or preferences change.
- Offer choices rather than taking over: a visit, a phone call, a shared meal, or help with a specific task.
- Respect a “no” or a preference for less frequent contact.
- Make plans that fit both people’s schedules and energy.
Choose meaningful contact, not just more contact
Intergenerational engagement can include informal family activities as well as organized community programs. A 2021 systematic review of 44 studies found potential benefits for older adults, particularly in anxiety, generativity, attitudes toward other age groups, and physical activity. The studies varied in setting, duration, and intensity, so those findings do not establish one ideal activity or prove that a particular family interaction will produce a health benefit. Ageing Research Reviews (2021)
Ideas for shared time
- Talk about family stories, traditions, or important life experiences.
- Exchange skills: learn a recipe, craft, repair, language, or technology tip from one another.
- Take a walk, play a game, look through photographs, or work on a small project together.
- Offer practical assistance your grandparent has asked for, rather than assuming what is useful.
The point is to find something both people value. A simple, enjoyable conversation may suit better than a scheduled activity, and connection does not have to involve caregiving.
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Keep connection distinct from intensive caregiving
Visiting, talking, occasional help, regular childcare, and raising a grandchild are different levels of responsibility. Evidence about one should not be treated as evidence about another. A 2021 review of 92 articles covering 117 studies found that 69% of coded findings on non-coresiding grandparent involvement were associated with improved outcomes. For custodial grandparents, 68% of coded findings associated the role with decreased health or well-being. These percentages describe coded research findings, not the share of grandparents who will benefit or be harmed; the review also noted that causal evidence was limited. European Journal of Ageing (2021)
| Form of involvement | What it can look like | What the evidence supports |
|---|---|---|
| Occasional contact | Visits, calls, conversation, or shared activities | May support connection; studies do not establish a universally optimal frequency. |
| Regular childcare or shared household support | Recurring care or living in a three-generation household | Findings vary by arrangement and context; three-generation household results were mixed. |
| Custodial caregiving | A grandparent takes primary responsibility for raising a grandchild | Reviewed findings more often associated this role with poorer health or well-being than comparison groups; this is not an individual prediction. |
If support is becoming a substantial or ongoing care responsibility, discuss how to share the load and what additional help is available. Do not treat exhaustion or strain as proof that someone is failing to care well.
Make organized intergenerational activities accessible
Some older adults may enjoy contributing through a structured community activity rather than family caregiving. A Stanford Center on Longevity report describes program supports such as training, logistical assistance, transportation reimbursement, and meals. Such supports can make participation more practical, but current services and local availability should be checked before relying on a particular program. Stanford Center on Longevity report
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What the evidence does—and does not—say about your well-being
Intergenerational engagement may offer social connection and a sense of purpose to younger as well as older participants. But reviews of this research do not establish that helping a grandparent causes better health for every younger family member. The evidence includes varied programs and family contexts, and stronger causal studies are needed. A 2025 review of National Institute on Aging-supported work places intergenerational relationships and family support within the wider context of older adults’ health and well-being, including support that may complement or precede intensive caregiving. The Gerontologist (2025)
One observational study of 564 community-dwelling grandparents aged 65 and older used 2008 and 2016 Health and Retirement Study data and reported different mortality associations for occasional babysitting, co-parenting, and custodial caregiving. Because it was observational, it does not show that caregiving itself extends life. Research on Aging (2021), PubMed abstract
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Use the findings in proportion
In the 2021 review of 44 intergenerational-engagement studies, 4 of 8 studies reporting cognitive outcomes, 15 of 24 reporting social outcomes, and 21 of 31 reporting health-related outcomes found significant effects. These are counts of studies, not pooled effect sizes or an individual’s odds of benefit; only 11 of the 44 studies fully met the review’s high-quality criteria. The authors called for more rigorous research, including randomized controlled trials. Ageing Research Reviews (2021)
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Research on intergenerational communities likewise varies in context and interaction type, so results from formal programs should not automatically be applied to every family relationship. Social Science & Medicine (2020/2021 publication record)
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