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Dear Abby said the husband was not out of line: the couple had warned relatives they would leave if racist comments happened again, and they followed through when a relative repeated them at a holiday dinner. The advice was to skip future family gatherings unless relatives promise the behavior will not recur.
What happened at the holiday dinner?
In a letter signed “Family Friction,” a woman said her family had been told in advance that she and her husband would leave if racist comments were made again. At a holiday gathering, a relative repeated comments the letter described as “disgusting and violent.” The letter does not reproduce the remarks or identify the relative or the group targeted.
The couple left with their children instead of staying overnight as they had planned. The writer said other relatives blamed her husband for ruining dinner, demanded that he apologize to keep the peace, and continued calling meetings to confront the couple.
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The account appears in a Paprclips reproduction attributed to the New York Post. It reflects the letter writer’s account; the underlying events are not independently verified in that reproduction. Read the reproduced Dear Abby column.
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What did Dear Abby advise?
Dear Abby backed the couple’s choice to leave, writing: “Your husband was not out of line, and I applaud you for taking a stand.” The response also criticized relatives who tolerated the remarks: “By acting as a willing audience, your extended family became complicit in the hate speech.”
The practical advice was to stop attending future gatherings unless relatives promise the racist behavior will not happen again. The column frames the issue as whether the family will prevent a recurrence—not whether the couple should apologize for leaving after the boundary they had announced was crossed.
Independent reader supportYour contribution helps us test, update, and keep practical guides available for everyone.Who wrote this Dear Abby response?
The reproduced page identifies Abigail Van Buren as the writer of Dear Abby and says Jeanne Phillips penned the column for nearly four decades. It does not establish which individual wrote this particular response. See the column’s author information.
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