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Sexting can be cheating, but it is not automatically cheating in every relationship. The clearest test is whether the exchange with someone outside the relationship violated an agreement or shared expectation, involved secrecy or misrepresentation, or broke trust around sexual or emotional exclusivity. Sexting with your own partner is a different situation; the recipient and the couple’s boundaries matter as much as the content.

What makes sexting cheating?

There is no universal definition of infidelity that applies to every couple. Researchers commonly describe it in terms of an outside sexual or emotional connection that violates agreed norms or trust. A 2023 review notes that scholars have not reached agreement on one definition. A 2009 clinical review likewise treats online infidelity as a debated category, rather than assuming every electronic interaction has the same meaning.

For a particular exchange, consider several factors together:

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  • Recipient: Was the message or image sent to your current partner, a former partner, an acquaintance, or a stranger?
  • Agreement: Did you and your partner set an explicit rule, or was there a shared expectation about sexual or intimate contact with other people?
  • Content and intent: Was it casual flirtation, sexual text, an explicit image, or an emotionally intimate exchange?
  • Transparency: Was the interaction disclosed, concealed, deleted, or described inaccurately?
  • Trust: Did the conduct violate an understanding of exclusivity or honesty that matters to the relationship?

Secrecy can be a warning sign, but it does not by itself prove infidelity. Likewise, a partner’s hurt should not be dismissed simply because the exchange happened through a phone. The most useful question is not whether all couples would label the conduct cheating, but whether it crossed the boundaries this couple has set or reasonably understood.

Who received the messages changes the answer

Sexting with your current partner

Sending sexual messages or intimate images to one’s own partner is not the same as sending them to someone outside the relationship. In a 2015 study of 355 participants from 181 U.S. families with young children, 29% reported sexy talk with their partner and 12% reported sending nude or nearly nude photos to their partner. These figures describe behavior within participants’ relationships; they do not measure cheating or sexting with outside partners.

Sexting with someone outside the relationship

An exchange with an ex, acquaintance, or stranger may be treated differently depending on the couple’s rules and expectations. A sexual exchange can breach an agreement even if there was no in-person contact. An emotionally intimate conversation may also matter if it conflicts with the relationship’s expectations. Neither the recipient’s identity nor the message format settles the question on its own.

What the available studies can—and cannot—tell you

Studies offer context, not a universal verdict. A 2017 study of 338 married or cohabiting individuals from 176 families found that greater social-media infidelity-related behavior was associated with lower relationship satisfaction and greater relationship ambivalence. The behaviors included a range of online conduct, such as hiding messages and sharing intimate information. This was an observational association, not proof that online behavior caused dissatisfaction, and it was not a sexting-specific result.

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A separate 2015 U.S. survey of 870 adults aged 18–82, summarized by the American Psychological Association, reported that 88% had ever sexted and 82% had sexted in the prior year. Those results concern sexting generally—not infidelity, outside-partner sexting, or how people define cheating. The available figures do not establish what share of people consider sexting outside a relationship to be cheating.

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How to discuss digital boundaries

If you and your partner disagree, make the conversation specific instead of relying on the word “cheating” alone. Discuss what counts as sexual or emotionally intimate contact, how contact with former partners should be handled, and whether intimate messages or images must be disclosed. Clarify whether expectations apply equally to both partners.

If a boundary may have been crossed, focus on what was agreed, what happened, and whether either person concealed or misrepresented it. A couple can decide that a behavior is unacceptable even if other couples allow it; a statistic cannot decide the meaning of a private agreement. Counseling is an optional source of support if disagreement or mistrust persists.

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