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If you are worried a friend may be thinking about suicide, ask plainly, listen without judgment, help them reach trained support, and stay involved afterward. Asking directly does not increase suicidal thoughts or behavior, according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). If your friend says they are about to kill themselves or faces an immediate life-threatening danger, do not leave them alone: involve a trusted person and call emergency services. In the United States, call or text 988 for crisis support and call 911 for an immediate emergency; elsewhere, use your local crisis and emergency numbers.
If you think the danger is immediate
Treat a statement such as “I’m going to kill myself” as an emergency. NIMH advises that you should not leave the person alone and should not promise to keep suicidal thoughts secret. Tell a trusted friend, family member, caregiver, school counselor, workplace leader, or another responsible adult who can help in person. For an immediate, life-threatening situation in the United States, call 911. The NIMH guidance is available at Frequently Asked Questions About Suicide.
- Stay with the person, or arrange continuous in-person support. If you are separated, keep contact while someone trusted goes to them. Do not assume a text exchange alone is enough when the danger is acute.
- Say what you are doing. Explain calmly that you care about their safety and need to bring in people trained to help.
- Contact emergency help. In the U.S., call 911 for an immediate life-threatening emergency. If the situation is urgent but not clearly an emergency, call or text 988 with the person, or call 988 yourself for guidance as a concerned friend.
- Share essential information. Tell responders what your friend said, whether they described a plan or timing, whether they may have access to highly lethal items or places, and where they are.
Do not try to prove that the person is safe, negotiate a promise that they will not act, or handle the situation alone. A friend can provide connection while trained responders and professionals take responsibility for crisis care.
The five actions that organize a supportive conversation
NIMH’s five action steps are Ask, Be There, Help Keep Them Safe, Help Them Connect, and Follow Up. The steps are described in its 2024-revised guide, 5 Action Steps to Help Someone Having Thoughts of Suicide. They are a sequence you can return to, not a test you must complete perfectly.
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1. Ask directly about suicide
Use clear, ordinary language: “Are you thinking about suicide?” This is the direct example NIMH provides. Avoid coded phrases such as “You’re not going to do anything crazy, right?” that make it harder to answer honestly.
Choose a private moment without rushing. Speak in a steady, matter-of-fact tone and pause after the question. You do not need a speech explaining why you are asking. You can start with an observation—“You seem overwhelmed and I’m worried about you”—then ask the question.
Asking does not plant the idea or increase suicidal thoughts or behavior, NIMH says. A direct question can make it possible for your friend to describe what is happening and for you to connect them with help. More detail on this misconception appears in NIMH’s suicide FAQ.
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Give the person room to speak. Listen for what they are feeling and acknowledge it without judging or trying to win an argument. You might say, “I’m glad you told me,” “That sounds unbearable,” or “I’m here with you while we find help.” These statements recognize the pain without endorsing suicide.
The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline summarizes its approach this way: “Be direct. Talk openly and matter-of-factly about suicide.” See Help Someone Else for its guidance.
Listening does not mean agreeing that death is the answer. It means postponing debate long enough to understand the person and establish safety. Keep your attention on them rather than your own shock, fear, or need for immediate reassurance.
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3. Help keep them safe
Once your friend has disclosed suicidal thoughts, ask whether they have a plan. A simple question is, “Have you thought about how or when you might do it?” Asking about a plan helps you recognize when more urgent professional intervention is needed; it is not a clinical risk assessment.
NIMH also recommends reducing access to highly lethal items or places when feasible. Treat this as a coordinated safety step, not a job for one friend. Involve trusted people and crisis or mental-health professionals, and do not put yourself in danger while attempting to secure an item or location.
Safety planning and safe storage of lethal means can be useful parts of ongoing support, but they do not replace crisis care. A qualified professional can help the person and their support network decide what is practical and safe in their circumstances.
4. Help them connect with trained support
Offer to make the call or send the text with them, sit beside them while they contact a clinician, or involve another trusted person. The goal is a warm handoff from a frightening moment to someone equipped to help—not simply giving your friend a number and leaving them to manage it.
5. Follow up
Keep in contact after the immediate crisis, an emergency evaluation, or discharge from care. NIMH says continued supportive contact can play an important role in suicide prevention. Ask how the person is doing, help them stay connected to the professionals or trusted people involved, and respond promptly if risk rises again.
What to say if your friend answers “yes”
Stay calm and thank them for telling you. A useful response is: “I’m glad you told me. Can I stay with you while we contact someone who can help?” Then ask the practical questions needed to choose the next support: whether they have a plan, whether they intend to act soon, and whether they are currently alone or can move to a safer place with another trusted person.
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If they describe imminent action, have already started to act, or cannot stay safe, move to emergency steps: keep them with you or arrange continuous in-person supervision, do not promise secrecy, involve a trusted person, and call 911 in the United States. If the danger is serious but not clearly an immediate life-threatening emergency, call or text 988 for crisis guidance while staying engaged.
Do not challenge the person to prove they mean it, tell them to think of how much others love them, lecture about the value of life, or offer glib reassurance such as “Everything will be fine.” Those responses can shut down disclosure when you need honest information.
How to judge the next step without pretending to be a clinician
Your role is to notice the level of urgency and bring in appropriate help, not to assign a diagnosis or calculate a score. Use the following practical branches:
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| What you are hearing or observing | What to do |
|---|---|
| The person mentions suicidal thoughts but does not describe immediate action. | Listen, ask directly about a plan, stay connected, and offer to contact 988 (U.S.), a mental-health professional, or another trusted person. |
| The person has a plan, a near-term intention, access to highly lethal means, or cannot commit to staying safe. | Do not leave them alone. Bring in trusted in-person support and contact 988 for crisis guidance; call 911 in the U.S. if the situation is life-threatening. |
| The person says they are going to kill themselves, has begun an attempt, or faces immediate life-threatening danger. | Call emergency services now. In the U.S., call 911, stay with them if it is safe, and do not promise secrecy. |
| The person is no longer in immediate danger but needs continuing help. | Help arrange contact with a qualified mental-health professional, support attendance at follow-up care, and maintain supportive contact. |
These categories are deliberately simple. If you are unsure which applies, describe exactly what your friend said to 988 or emergency responders and follow their instructions.
Choosing crisis support, ongoing care, or emergency services
These routes serve different purposes and can be used together.
| Route | When it fits | What it provides |
|---|---|---|
| 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline (U.S.) | Suicidal thoughts, concern about someone else, or uncertainty about the safest next step when there is not an immediately life-threatening emergency. | Immediate crisis support and help identifying local resources. A concerned friend may call or text 988 to ask what help is available locally. |
| Mental-health professional | Continuing assessment and treatment after the conversation or crisis, or support for recurring suicidal thoughts. | Ongoing care coordinated with the person’s needs. You can help make contact and get to an appointment, but the professional directs treatment. |
| Emergency services (U.S. 911) | Immediate, life-threatening danger, an attempt in progress, or a stated intention to kill oneself imminently. | Rapid emergency response. Give responders the person’s location and the exact safety information you know. |
Outside the United States, 988 and 911 may not apply. Use your country’s crisis line and emergency number. If you do not know them, contact local emergency services or a health service and explain that someone may be at risk of suicide.
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How to use 988 when you are the concerned friend
In the United States, you can call or text 988 for yourself or because you are worried about someone else. You can ask what resources are available in your area, explain what your friend said, and request guidance about the next step. The Lifeline’s instructions for helping another person are at 988lifeline.org/help-someone-else/.
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- If they agree, stay beside them while one of you calls or texts 988. Keep listening while you follow the counselor’s directions.
- If they refuse but you remain concerned, you can contact 988 yourself as a concerned friend. Describe the facts rather than guessing at a diagnosis.
- If the counselor or your observations indicate immediate life-threatening danger, call 911 and provide the location and relevant details.
When your friend refuses help or asks for secrecy
Respect their dignity, but do not agree to keep suicidal thoughts secret. Explain: “I care about you too much to keep this to myself. I’m going to bring in someone who can help us keep you safe.” Choose the smallest trustworthy circle that can provide real support, then share only the information needed to obtain help.
If the person is a minor, tell a parent, guardian, school counselor, or another responsible adult. For an adult, involve a trusted family member, partner, housemate, clinician, or crisis service. If the person is in immediate danger, emergency help takes priority over concerns about upsetting them or damaging the relationship.
Do not threaten, shame, bargain, or make your continued friendship conditional on a promise. Keep your language focused on safety and the next concrete contact with trained help.
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Once immediate danger has been addressed, make the path to ongoing care as easy as possible. Ask what kind of help the person is willing to try, offer to sit with them while they contact a mental-health professional, and help them remember the appointment or follow-up instructions. If they have already been evaluated or discharged, ask what support plan they were given and how you can help them carry it out.
Stay within your role. You can help with communication, transportation, reminders, and companionship, but you are not the person’s therapist or sole safety plan. Encourage the person to tell their clinician about any return or worsening of suicidal thoughts rather than relying only on friends.
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Following up in the days and weeks afterward
Contact your friend at agreed times and keep the tone normal as well as caring. Ask how they are doing and whether they connected with the support they wanted. Offer specific help—sitting with them while they call, accompanying them to an appointment, or involving another trusted person—rather than a vague “Let me know if you need anything.”
If they disclose renewed suicidal thoughts, return to the same sequence: ask directly, listen, check whether there is a plan or immediate danger, connect with 988 or a professional, and use emergency services when the situation is life-threatening. Do not assume that a previous crisis has permanently resolved the risk.
Common mistakes to avoid
- Do not avoid the word suicide. Clear language makes it easier for the person to answer.
- Do not act shocked or debate. An argument about whether suicide is right or wrong can end the conversation.
- Do not lecture or give easy reassurance. A promise that everything will be fine does not address the person’s immediate pain.
- Do not dare or challenge them. Treat every disclosure seriously.
- Do not promise secrecy. Safety may require involving trusted people, crisis counselors, clinicians, or emergency responders.
- Do not leave someone who has stated imminent intent alone. Arrange continuous support and obtain urgent professional help.
- Do not make means-safety changes beyond what you can do safely. Coordinate with trusted people and professionals when reducing access to highly lethal items or places.
- Do not become the only support. A network and trained care are safer and more sustainable than one friend trying to manage the crisis.
Looking after yourself while you help
Supporting someone at risk can be frightening and exhausting. Tell another trusted person what is happening, use 988 yourself for guidance in the United States, and accept help with supervision, transportation, or communication. Keep your own boundaries clear: being present and helping connect care does not require you to be available every minute or to provide clinical treatment.
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If you believe your friend is in immediate danger, do not delay emergency action because you are worried about making the wrong conversational choice. A calm direct question, honest information, and prompt connection to trained support are more protective than a perfect script.
Short scripts you can adapt
- Opening: “I’ve noticed you seem overwhelmed, and I’m worried. Are you thinking about suicide?”
- Listening: “I’m glad you told me. I’m here to listen, and I’m not going to judge you.”
- Connecting: “Can I stay with you while we call or text 988 and work out the next step?”
- Setting a safety boundary: “I can’t keep this secret if you may be in danger. I’m going to involve someone who can help keep you safe.”
- Emergency response: “You said you are going to kill yourself, so I’m staying with you and calling emergency help now.”
Adapt the words to sound like you, but keep the essential meaning: ask directly, listen, involve trained support, and act urgently when the danger is immediate.
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