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The safest rule is simple: never send money or gifts to a romantic interest you have not met in person. Romance scammers create a false identity, build trust through sustained attention, and then use an emergency, travel problem, investment opportunity, or another urgent story to request money or sensitive information. Repeatedly avoiding an in-person meeting, moving the conversation away from the dating app, demanding secrecy, and applying financial pressure are especially concerning when they occur together.
You do not need to prove that someone is a scammer before protecting yourself. Slow the conversation, check claims independently, ask a trusted person for an outside view, refuse financial requests, and report suspicious accounts. If you already paid, contact the bank or payment company immediately; recovery may be possible, but it is not guaranteed.
What a romance scam looks like
A romance scam is fraud disguised as an online relationship. The offender may use a stolen photograph, a fabricated name, a false occupation, or a completely invented personal history. After matching, the person may communicate frequently and intensely, creating the impression of unusual closeness before you have met.
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The central pattern is not one strange message. It is a sequence: an online-only relationship, explanations for why an in-person meeting cannot happen, increasing emotional dependence, and eventually a request for money, a transfer, an investment, or personal information. The Federal Trade Commission describes stories involving military service, overseas work, distance, illness, travel costs, and other emergencies. Some scammers present themselves as investment experts and offer to help a romantic partner trade cryptocurrency or stocks.
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A person who prefers texting to calling is not automatically fraudulent, and living far away is not proof of a scam. Risk rises when several behaviors reinforce one another: secrecy, urgency, inconsistent details, refusal to meet, isolation from people you trust, and a request for something valuable.
Warning signs to evaluate together
| What you observe | Why it deserves caution | What to do |
|---|---|---|
| Repeatedly cancels or avoids meeting in person | The relationship remains dependent on an identity you cannot independently check. | Stop escalating the relationship. Do not send money to make a meeting, trip, or emergency possible. |
| Quickly asks you to move from the dating app to email, texting, or an encrypted messenger | Leaving a legitimate platform can reduce moderation, reporting options, and visibility to the service. | Do not let a request to change platforms override your safety boundaries. Keep records of the original profile and messages. |
| Creates intense closeness or constant contact very early | Sustained attention can be used to build trust before a financial request. | Slow the pace and discuss the situation with a friend or relative who is not emotionally involved. |
| Asks for secrecy or discourages contact with friends and family | Isolation makes it harder for you to notice contradictions or resist pressure. | Tell someone you trust exactly what was requested, including screenshots and payment instructions. |
| Claims an emergency, medical problem, travel expense, or overseas difficulty | Urgent stories are a common way to turn sympathy into a payment. | Refuse to pay. A genuine relationship does not require you to transfer money to prove care. |
| Requests cryptocurrency, an investment, a gift card, a wire, or a payment-app transfer | These payment methods can be difficult to reverse and are a clear fraud warning when requested by an online romantic interest. | Do not follow the instructions or “test” the arrangement with a small amount. |
| Asks for passwords, account access, identity documents, banking details, or other personal information | The goal may be identity theft, account takeover, or additional fraud rather than a relationship. | Do not disclose it. Change any password you already shared and enable multifactor authentication where available. |
| The story changes or conflicts with independently available information | Contradictions can indicate a fabricated identity or a script used with multiple victims. | Pause contact and verify through sources you find yourself, not links or contacts supplied by the match. |
No single clue proves fraud. The combination of an online-only relationship and pressure for money is enough to make refusing payment the correct decision, even if you cannot determine the person’s real identity.
Requests that should end the financial conversation
Treat any request for money or a valuable equivalent as a stop signal when you have not met the person in real life. Common versions include:
- “Emergency” money for hospital bills, a family crisis, legal trouble, or a stranded vehicle.
- Airfare, immigration costs, hotel bills, customs charges, or other travel expenses supposedly needed to meet you.
- Gift-card numbers or photographs of gift cards.
- Wire transfers, payment-app transfers, or deposits into an account selected by the match.
- Cryptocurrency purchases or transfers, including instructions to open an exchange account or move coins to a private wallet.
- An investment opportunity described as a way to build your future together, often accompanied by a website, trading dashboard, or “coach.”
- Loans, checks to deposit, or requests to receive and forward money on the person’s behalf.
Do not send a small amount to test the story. A first payment can be used to establish a pattern, and refusing later may become harder after you have invested emotionally or financially. The FBI Philadelphia warning identifies requests for money, cryptocurrency, or personal information as clear warning signs rather than evidence of a legitimate relationship.
“Requests for money, cryptocurrency, or your personal information are clear warning signs of a scam, not a legitimate relationship.”
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How to check a match without treating a search as proof
Verification is a way to find inconsistencies, not a way to certify that someone is genuine. Scammers can copy real people’s photographs, names, jobs, and social profiles. A clean search does not establish identity, while a mismatch is a reason to stop and reassess.
- Write down the claims. Record the person’s name, location, job, education, family details, travel plans, and the dates or reasons given for not meeting. Changes are easier to notice when you are not relying on memory.
- Search the story independently. Search the person’s stated job, location, or unusual wording together with the word scammer. Look for reports describing the same photographs, scripts, phone numbers, or investment story. Use a search engine yourself rather than clicking a link supplied by the match.
- Reverse-search the profile photograph. A photograph appearing under another name, location, or occupation is a strong warning sign. Images can also be scraped from legitimate accounts, so an image match identifies reuse, not necessarily the person operating the dating profile.
- Compare details across channels. Check whether the age, work history, time zone, language, and location remain consistent. Treat contradictions as evidence to investigate, not as a puzzle you must solve for the other person.
- Ask someone outside the relationship to review the evidence. Share the profile, messages, and payment request with a trusted friend or relative. Scammers often benefit when a target keeps the relationship secret; an outside reader may notice pressure or inconsistencies that are difficult to see while emotionally involved.
Do not send copies of your identity documents, bank statements, passwords, one-time codes, or private photographs as part of “verification.” A person demanding proof from you while refusing ordinary, independently checkable contact is increasing your risk, not demonstrating trust.
Slow down before sharing personal information
Personal information can be valuable even when no payment has been requested. Details about your address, workplace, daily routine, relatives, travel plans, finances, or account recovery questions can support identity theft, stalking, impersonation, or later extortion. Keep early conversations general and avoid information that would let a stranger locate you, reset an account, or target someone close to you.
Never disclose a password or a one-time verification code. Do not install an app, browser extension, remote-access tool, or “security” program at a match’s direction. A request to download software changes the incident from a relationship scam into a possible device-compromise problem; follow the specialized response described below if that happens.
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Use the dating service’s privacy and blocking controls. Save evidence before blocking if you may report the account: profile URL or username, photographs, dates, messages, phone numbers, email addresses, payment instructions, wallet addresses, and receipts. Store the evidence somewhere the person cannot access.
A practical pause-and-check procedure
Use this procedure whenever a match introduces urgency, secrecy, an investment, or a request for information.
- Pause the transaction. Do not click a payment link, open an unfamiliar investment dashboard, buy a gift card, or transfer cryptocurrency while you are under pressure.
- Set a clear boundary. Say that you do not send money or gifts to people you have not met in person and do not make investments at another person’s direction. Do not negotiate the rule.
- End secrecy. Tell a trusted person what is happening. If the match says that talking to family or friends will ruin the relationship, treat that reaction as additional evidence of manipulation.
- Check the claims. Search the story and reverse-search the photograph. Compare the results with the person’s account, but remember that no search can prove who is behind a profile.
- Assess the response to your boundary. A legitimate person may be disappointed but should respect your decision. Threats, guilt, anger, repeated emergencies, promises of repayment, or a new explanation are reasons to stop contact.
- Preserve evidence and report. Capture the profile and messages, then report the account through the dating service and to the Federal Trade Commission at ReportFraud.ftc.gov.
You do not owe an explanation, a final payment, or a final conversation. Blocking contact is appropriate when the person keeps pressing, impersonates someone else, or attempts to intimidate you.
How friends and relatives can help
A person being scammed may defend the relationship because the attention feels genuine, the story has become part of daily life, or admitting a loss feels humiliating. Confronting them with “you are being foolish” can push them toward the scammer and away from the people who could help.
- Ask open questions: “What has the person asked you to do?” “How would you verify that independently?” and “What happens if you say no?”
- Focus on observable behavior rather than arguing about the person’s identity: repeated cancellations, secrecy, urgency, conflicting stories, or payment instructions.
- Offer to review messages, search the photograph, contact the payment provider, or make a report together.
- Help protect accounts without taking control away from the person. Change exposed passwords, enable multifactor authentication, and check bank and payment activity.
- Do not send money yourself to “rescue” the relationship or to recover funds. A second payment can deepen the loss.
The FBI has specifically warned about attempts to isolate victims from friends and family. Staying supportive while setting a firm no-payment boundary gives the person a safer route out.
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What to do when you suspect a scam
- Stop communicating. Do not send more money, information, photographs, or account codes. Avoid arguing with the scammer; explanations can reveal what still persuades you.
- Preserve evidence. Save messages, profile information, payment directions, receipts, phone numbers, email headers, and cryptocurrency wallet addresses before deleting or blocking anything.
- Report the profile to the dating service. Use the service’s in-app reporting path and include the behavior, not just the conclusion. Mention requests for money, impersonation, stolen photographs, pressure to leave the platform, or threats.
- Report to the FTC. Submit the incident at ReportFraud.ftc.gov. Include the payment method, dates, amounts, names used, and contact details.
- Secure exposed accounts. Change reused passwords from a device you trust, enable multifactor authentication, review sign-in sessions, and alert your bank if financial information was shared.
Reporting cannot guarantee that an account will be removed or that money will be recovered, but prompt records can help payment providers and investigators connect related incidents.
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Contact the bank, card issuer, wire service, payment app, cryptocurrency service, or gift-card company used for the transaction as soon as possible. Tell the representative that the payment resulted from fraud and ask whether it can be stopped, reversed, or recovered. Give the transaction date, amount, recipient, account or wallet details, and any report number. Follow the provider’s instructions and keep a record of every contact.
Different payment methods have different cancellation windows and policies. A provider may be unable to retrieve funds, especially after a completed wire or cryptocurrency transfer, so do not wait for certainty before making the call. Do not pay a person who promises to recover the money for an upfront fee; recovery scammers target people who have already reported a loss.
Continue to report the dating profile and the fraud. If identity documents or account credentials were exposed, monitor statements and credit activity and replace compromised credentials. Tell trusted people what happened so they can help you watch for follow-up attempts.
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Software installation can give an offender access to files, passwords, cameras, or online accounts. If the requested program was installed or the person remotely controlled the device, disconnect the computer from the internet and shut it down. Then report the incident to law enforcement, as advised in the FBI San Antonio warning.
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After preserving what you can safely preserve, use a trusted device to change passwords and contact relevant financial institutions. Consider professional incident-response or technical support if the device contains sensitive work, financial, or personal information. Do not reconnect the affected computer merely to continue the conversation or to ask the match what the software did.
What the recent loss figures do—and do not—show
The FBI San Antonio Division said local victims reported more than $28 million in confidence and romance scam losses in 2025, compared with $15.8 million in 2024, based on complaints submitted to the Internet Crime Complaint Center. These are reported losses for that FBI division, not a national total and not a count of every incident. People may not report because they feel embarrassed, do not recognize the fraud, or cannot recover the money.
The figures therefore show the financial seriousness of the problem without providing a probability that any individual match is fraudulent. Use behavior, independent checks, and the no-payment rule to make your decision.
U.S. reporting and advice outside the United States
The reporting steps above are based on U.S. Federal Trade Commission and FBI guidance. If you live elsewhere, use your country’s consumer-protection authority, police or national cybercrime reporting service, the dating platform’s abuse channel, and the payment provider’s fraud team. The urgency is the same: stop contact, preserve evidence, and notify the organization that handled the payment.
When seeking help, describe the full pattern rather than only saying “online dating scam.” Include how the person contacted you, how long the relationship lasted, whether they avoided meeting, which platform they used, what they requested, and how the payment or information was transferred.
A boundary worth keeping
A real relationship can develop slowly and withstand independent scrutiny. You can decline money requests, keep contact with friends, verify claims, and remain on a platform while trust develops. If someone’s affection depends on secrecy, urgency, or payment, protect yourself first. As FBI Philadelphia Special Agent in Charge Wayne A. Jacobs put it: “Don’t just follow your heart—trust your gut when seeking companionship online.”
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